


The Dress

by clarkjoekent



Category: Naruto
Genre: Author is Nonbinary, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Nonbinary Shikaku, Nonbinary Shikamaru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:55:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24991894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarkjoekent/pseuds/clarkjoekent
Summary: Shikaku does something once a week, alone, to satisfy an anger and sadness he holds in his heart. Yoshino finds out and with her help he comes to terms with those pained feelings and finally feels like he can breathe.
Relationships: Nara Shikaku/Nara Yoshino
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	The Dress

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm back at heavily projecting my life on nart characters! I've been having a lot of issues and feelings while being enclosed in a home that isn't welcoming to the existence of trans/non-binary people and when the world tells you should look one way and I look the opposite ~ it's hard. So I write from my own exp and share it. Bc it's the only way I can atm.

Every Tuesday Shikaku goes home for lunch. His wife uses that day to go to her botanical club and Shikamaru spends the day with Choji playing video games or watching the clouds. It's the only time he gets to himself. No Tsunade, no Torture and Interrogation asking for forms, no time wasted by scolding Jonin who should know better than to turn in shitty forms.

It's just an hour but it's enough to satisfy his need for peace, quiet, and reflection. He checked the house just in case, each room took a half a minute to look into before finally going into his bedroom and shutting the door. He doesn't lock it because he's alone, he can usually hear when someone is coming in.

He placed his jonin vest and deer pelt jacket on the bed and opened his closet. Yoshino liked to mix their clothes up, claiming if they split it, his side would look sad and boring. He's been a shinobi since he was 10, all he knew were the dull dark uniforms.

He shuffled through some clothes until he touched the item of choice. Yoshino's dark purple dress. He took it off the hanger and admired the way the fabric felt. It was a light weight cotton, something for the summer. He smiled.

There was a secret he had deep within his core. No one except his father knew and it was only on accident he found out. Shikaku never felt comfortable in his own skin. He knew that he was supposed to be the man of house but he didn't feel the same. He spent the early part of his years trying to make his father proud but when it came down to it Shikaku still felt like something was missing.

He was 8 when he tried on his first dress. Inoichi's sister left it over his house after she borrowed the laundry room and he was curious. As soon as he put it on he realized what was missing. He didn't hear his father walk in over his crying and all it took was one tear streaked terrified look to make his father kneel down and hold his son - child.

"Mom can't know." Was all he repeated, worried his mother would be against everything.

"Are these happy tears at least?" His father asked once the terror subsided.

Shikaku looked in the mirror and then nodded. "I don't want to be a son, but I don't want to be a daughter. I like just being me."

His father smiled and patted Shikaku on the head. He supported him and helped him find literature on how he felt. It was different for both Shikaku and his father. The books helped, he was glad he wasn't alone but there was still an air of disapproval when he wore something he felt comfortable in but not right for a male clan heir to dance around in.

When his father and mother died on a mission he was forced to step up at just 11 years old, to be the figurehead and help his clan prosper. The Third war didn't make things easier. He was forced to push things like his feelings to the back of his head. He didn't have a chance to think about them again until his son was 13.

He kept them to himself however. Trying out pronouns while he was alone in his office, settling on he/they, looking at dresses in shop windows, ones he could never own, and trying to come up with a way to tell the only two people who loved him unconditionally, that he was non-binary.

He changed into the purple dress and let the fabric flow around his ankles. He liked the beard, he hated the way his face looked without it, make up would be something. He loved the way Yoshino made her face up when they were going to an Inoshikacho dinner. he would sit and watch her talk about her day and throw on sharp wings and blush, while wondering what he would look like with it. He wouldn't dare take her's but he couldn't figure out what his colors were. She told him he was a silver man. Whatever that meant.

He spun slowly letting the fabric move in the way he loved. He felt comfortable in his usual fit, most days. He liked the baggy Jonin issue pants, he loved wearing his father's pelt jacket, the chain mail shirt added definition to his muscles, but some days, some days he just wanted to wear a skirt to work, or the dark green tank top his wife wears on missions, women issue only. Restricted by the uniform Chunin who claimed that Yoshino had to get her own.

He sat on the edge of their bed and rested his head in his hands. He took this time to remember his father's words and the look he had on his face when Shikaku told him he liked neutral pronouns, until he could try things out. He missed him.

Usually he doesn't cry but it's been a very trying week. Like last time however his tears deafened him, he didn't hear his wife walk into the room.

"Shikaku? Honey?" She placed a hand on his back, scaring him.

"Yoshino!" He stood up and immediately went into panic mode. She didn't look angry, or disgusted, she just looked concerned.

"It's not what it looks like." He still had her dress on and he felt his face light up, bright red.

"Shikaku, it's okay." She wanted him to breathe.

He took a few small breaths, feeling the panic settle in for the long haul. He was screwed, outed before he could calmly explain himself. Yoshino knew the signs and moved closer until her arms were wrapped around his waist. She pulled him back to the bed and they sat down together. Before he knew it he was telling his wife everything he felt since he was 8.

She was quiet, rubbing soothing circles into his back, taking in everything he said. When he finished she stood up and took his face in her hands.

"Shikaku, I love you and I want you to be comfortable in your own skin. I want you to be comfortable around me and I want you to be happy." She smiled softly, full of love. She didn't want to tell him she saw his smile in the mirror and she felt her heart ache. She hadn't seen him smile like that since Shikamaru was born. She saw teeth in his smile, a rare sight.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier." Shikaku felt guilty, he didn't think she would be like this.

"Shush, don't feel sorry. I'm sorry for walking in on you, forcing you to explain." She kissed his forehead. "In anyway, that dress looks really good on you."

Shikaku wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and smiled back. "You think?"

"I think the color is a little too dark, but purple comes in a million shades."

Shikaku laughed, relieved the panic has evaporated. "There's a nice green summer dress at the boutique by the knife shop. It's a summer dress with a bow on the back." He didn't know how felt with a shorter dress. He really did want that dress.

"Well there's only one to find out." Yoshino grinned. "I think I know the dress you are talking about. Mina has been eyeing it." She held her hands out and Shikaku grabbed them. "How long until you have to go back?"

"I can take a longer break, I did all the paperwork before lunch."

"Want to go get it?"

Shikaku smiled and nodded. He wanted something of his own. 

* * *

Shikaku opened the door of the shop and got hit with the smell of fresh linen and vanilla. He was in awe over the rows of colorful fabric. He heard Yoshino giggle behind him before she shoved him in the right direction. The summer section. It was all the way in the back near the changing rooms, perfectly private.

Shikaku loved the feeling of some of the longer dresses. Yoshino let him browse while she snagged the dress in question. "Here you go, try it on."

He looked at the crushed green dress in his arms and goes into one of the rooms.

"I'll watch out for you. Just knock when you are ready." Yoshino shut the door leaving him in the low golden light surrounded by mirrors. He shed his clothes and put dress on. It fit perfectly. He wanted to cry.

Shikaku knocked like Yoshino instructed and she opened the door to look.

"Oh Kami, Shikaku you look beautiful." She half whispered half squealed. Shikaku felt his face burn.

"It's short." Shikaku glanced back in the mirror, the dress stopped just above his knees.

"It shows off your legs. They look great. You look great." Yoshino clapped quietly not wanting to grab unwanted attention, she noticed his hesitation from the moment he stepped in the store.

"I really like it." He turned back to his wife. He went to grab the price tag but she had ripped it off. "How much?"

"Nothing we couldn't make back in a day." She tutted and closed the door. He took the dress off and put his uniform back on, already missing the feeling of his legs being free from pants.

Yoshino took the dress and bought it for him, knowing if he saw the price he'd panic. He was happy and deserved to feel good in whatever he chooses to wear.

They left the boutique, Shikaku's face bright and welcoming. Yoshino put it on a hanger and placed it in the closet. He was a little happier knowing Yoshino loved him and supported him, much like the loving support his father offered. He can be himself, and voice his thoughts to her without her judging him.

He knew in his heart that Shikamaru would be just as supportive. So that night he decided to tell him. He was expecting some confusion and maybe even a simple dismissive hand wave something along the lines of, "Yeah I know that already Dad."

He wasn't expecting the lengthy bought of silence and a whispered confession.

"Me too."

It took a second for Shikaku to process what his child had just told him, then he did exactly what his father had done and held him tight.

"Ino wanted to use my face for make up practice." Shikamaru sighed. "Ino knows and so does Choji. They help sometimes. Ino slipped and called me "they" during a friend dinner and Naruto wouldn't drop it. She bought him extra ramen to distract him."

Shikaku was happy his child had friends to help them along. He wouldn't wish the years of lonely contemplation and internalized anger he went through on anyone.

"I love you kid."

"Love you too. Dad."

* * *

Three months later Shikaku wore the dress to an Inoshikacho dinner, he expressed his want for the same wings Yoshino draws on her eyelids. She laughed and gave him the best wings she had ever drawn.

Ino and Choji knew already, Shikamaru told them, Inoichi and Choza took one look at him and then asked him where he hid his legs all these years. 

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank my friend [Mav](https://narutomaki.tumblr.com/) for supporting me and Nonbinary Shikaku [He even drew a little something for this!](https://narutomaki.tumblr.com/post/622222917545099264/so-like-this)


End file.
